Day 13

6th October 2008
I dreamt of u today... Suppose it was already 6 or 7 in the morning...
it was back in time... when in secondary school... but the situation is still the same as now... we was in the same class... u was just sitting a row next to me... with your friends... i wanted to take a look at you... but i was afraid to look at see you sad... but, i overheard, you were telling your friend, complaining that i break my promise...
i don't wanted to... i am also very sad for this...
Since i feel very miserable sitting there... i changed class. But without notifying the teacher... during recess, i pack my bag and go to C class... ( i was in A class)... I downgrade myself... ... ... going to a class which is more like a weaker class... i still remember i said something very... childish... "i only do what i wanted to do!" my friends were speechless when i say this... i was so... sad and miserable after listening to what you said... because i feel sad too... i feel that i am useless... i cannot handle our relationship and my study at the same time... so... after a few minutes in class... i again packed my bag and run off the class. Suddenly feeling dizzy and totally without strength... Since there is always a small period to swap class... i walk away from school... i NEVER DO SUCH A THING!!!! i am ready feeling big disgrace and totally shameful of this act... I actually ran away from problems...
Then... while i was going off... you and your gang was following me... you asked your friend to get me a pack of tissue. With some content in it...
It was opened... and... feel a bit odd. It contains tissue of course, and a few rm5 and rm10 notes... suppose it was a total of rm 25 or 30... i don't understand what that means... but i was bad... i keep walking off... i never look back, i never stop... was giddy on the way and i do feel that i was not able to walk in straight line...
But... i was left alone... after i am out of the school compound...
I woke up after i was alone... i feel my face was a bit wet... why?
I look out the door, my dad was sitting on the sofa reading the news... So... i drag myself out of my bed, wipe my eyes and walk quite swiftly to the washroom... washed my face, then look the at time... 12+ already... So late...
So i pack my bag... Today is Monday, i have no class!!! Yet i pack my bag... i suppose i lost track of where am i and what am i doing... I just... pack up... and prepare to go to school... And... 4 something... i really go to school. LOL!!!
When i reached, i walk into the computer lab... clicking... browsing... i... don't know why... feel like i was empty... my soul is not with me... in the trip to school... i was praying, hoping that it will not rain... because i feel more and more deep in pain when the sky grow darker... i don't get it why... I know... i was a bit worry... my mind is thinking... are you alright??? Please don't play in the rain... Hope that you are already in the house... more and more sorrow flows into my mind...
Yet... i was blank...
Until 5 something, my friend ask me to join him for dinner... That is when we meet our law lecturer... he greet us and we greet him... then one very funny thing... He said "see you tomorrow." I replied, "see you later." LOLS!!! Then he must be blurred. Then we continue with our "target"(food). On the way, i was blurred too... my friend ask me... Why are you here today? Today you don't have class lei.. ... ...
Oh no... see what happen??? i go to school, which today do not have a class...
Days without you is really a bit miserable... Can i have you back by my side again???
I dare not ask... Cause i must... i cannot hurt you again.. because i will feel the same pain... Cause i promise to God, whatever pain that you have to suffer, it will be shared with me. And all that i was to suffer, will only be on me. I made such a promise... and one of the most important promise... i will be here, i will be waiting here... if you feel lost, i am here as always... the one that i broke... but i will make up to it... I will... i must... FOCUS on my study... if not... ... ... i will not only break my promise to you, i will break a promise to myself... and our future... I build my future... with you in it... i remember... that was what promise...