Day 146

16th February 2009
Monday
Today morning, i woke up finding my feet was numb. I suppose my ankle is some how healing. So, i didn't care. It looks more swollen than before now. Some how, i am not worried anymore. I was thinking of checking my result this morning. After i sign in to my gmail, i can't find any mail regarding the result yet. So, i just ignore and on maple and check on my store...
Later, at around 1pm, Daniel called. He told me that the result is out and he is telling me how is his result. He got 1 pass and 1 fail. At first i feel like... It's ok... I can pass. Then, i go check. I log in to ACCA GLOBAl website. What happen was... i see... to my amazement... i was shocked... and was keeping on asking myself... WHY! How can this be? There must be something going wrong... I have so much confidence in Tax yet... it shows... 49, failed. What can i do? This means fail. Besides, my law also failed... That is... my result is all failed... Madam Tan also send me a message, asking us to revert on our result. Yes... i did reply. She say... so sorry to hear that. 49... just 1 mark away. Why can this happen to me? 1 mark... I was numb... totally numb when i see this... My mind was blank. Seems like... i need to stop playing games... I need to quit playing so much. This has cost me too much... too much. I went to my room... hide in the pillow... was intending to shout... but no voices came out, no tears run down. Delon called afterwards, asking me what is my plan. I just told him let me think first. I am in a total blur now and my mind is blank. Soon, i called Sim, i asked him about his result. He hasn't go and check out yet. So, i just ignore everything and get some sleep. Later, i think it was about 3 something... i told myself, i cannot go down like this... NO! If i give up hope, there will be no hope. One day i breathe, one day there is hope. So, i wake up, go clean my face and had my lunch. After lunch... again, i was blanked again. My mind is empty... Then, Wei Wei called to check on my result. I believe everyone can't believe that i failed my tax. Even i can't believe it... But no matter... It is me that is to be blamed. I didn't study hard enough. I played too much. Too lazy to do more revision... It is my own fault...
Then, i sit at the sofa... my tears began to run down my face... uncontrollable. This feeling again... Shame and regret... This is the feeling i had before... few years ago when i was challenged... Last time there was a guide to guide me on... Now i am on my own. I need to keep myself up... my eyes was red, i started to feel sorrow flowing in... regret... and sorry... so sorry to my parents... and i feel so ashame of myself... but i have to face the truth. I need to tell them that i have disappoint them. But i... didn't. I don't know how to start... I hide myself when they come home. My eyes are red... so i just hide. I go bathe and hope that they won't see my eyes and notice that i cried. Again, i am hiding. I suppose no one ever see me cry before. I am so damn good in hiding. Hahaha...
After dinner, i wanted to tell my mum, i am sorry, i have failed my exams. Both of them... But, i didn't speak a word. I don't know... i really don't know what to do. So, i just treat as if nothing happen. I shall remember this day... ACCA gave me a challenge. Purposely fail me on my Tax. I don't know why... But i got a feeling they do this on purpose. 49!!! What on earth... Fine. I know, there are loopholes in my answers that allow u to fail me. I WILL NOT GIVE U THE 2ND OPPORTUNITY TO FAIL ME AGAIN! NEVER! This challenge is acknowledge. My tears are lava of an exploding volcano... Flame ignited... Bursting with fire sparks... Be prepared... i need my body fully prepared to take on the battle. That means i need perfect health and near immortal mentality. Now is the time to recuperate and refresh. My ankle injury, my cough... i shall take 100% precaution on healing, then it is time to start the run. Please... don't run away from me. Because i am coming your way. NOTHING CAN STOP ME! You made me cry, i will make you pay! I will want you to return me twice the amount of sorrow and pain and SHAME! Time will be the best prize. NOW, i won't do it 2 by 2, i want to KILL YOU 3 by 3! In 2 years from now, I WILL END YOU! REMEMBER, 2 YEARS FROM NOW! Die Before ME!