Day 154

24th February 2009
Tuesday
Tuesday... Today suck! Actually... everyday suck! LOL~ Why? Because i started to hate my life now... I woke up in the morning, breaking my rule. Then, 10am only i get myself ready to study and do some revision. 12pm, i stopped for lunch. Later, 1pm, i continue with law paper. 2pm, i stopped again. I was like... so pissed... Then, after awhile of cooling down, i continued. 3pm, i totally stopped. I do some exercise, thinking of letting off the steam. =.=''' Heck... I am getting furious...
Then, my dad came home and asked me to lend him so $$$. ok ok... So we went to the bank and withdraw some cash for him. Sianz...
After that, i came home and go to sleep. Today was totally... if i am to penalize myself, i will be penalize at least RM5. Reason? First, where is the breakfast? Second, where is the wake up at 7am? Third, where is the revision of 4 hours per subject? Forth, where is the 3 subject? Fifth, where is the no touch TV until 10pm? sixth, where is the no touch computer until 10pm? =.=''' Break 6 of it... My damn GOD! What the FXXX!
I was looking for alcohol... i need some... but no... i didn't had any. I was looking for cigaratte, trying to smoke... but no... my conscious keep me from doing so. Sometimes, i really don't know what to do... Stress? Or is it just that you are lost? I suppose, i am lost. Fallen into the dark again. Where should i go? I am still standing in the same spot... going no where...
Nightfall, i follow my parents to the temple... i actually treat it as a place for me to vent out all that i kept inside. LOL! Why? I shouted, I really did shouted.. my throat feel somewhat dry but, that's some relief. Wow~
Anyway, at least i get to release part of the anger, the stress... the what so ever negative feeling...
I reached home at 9pm, then, was so hungry that i had biscuits, then get myself a packet of maggi. Still not full, i had a flat "mooncake". =.=''' Not satisfied still, i get myself some "Ba Gua" BBQ pork. Finally, settle down with a glass of milk... i really can eat. My god... how much food did i take just tonight? LOL!!!
Anyway, the important thing is... i am satisfied. Haih~ If this keeps on, i will go crazy... in a way... i did printed the simple rules and stick it on the fridge. I can see it everyday... So, everytime i see it... the pressure came from everywhere. =.='''
I am really insane to make such a rules... 12 hours of studying... normal human sure collapsed. Some even go insane. No TV and computers all day until 10pm... That is ridiculous! That means that i cannot watch or play all day long and can only focus study, study, and study all day long. Since the day, from 8am until 8pm, that makes up 12 hours... GOD~ Is there any time to catch a breathe? I am really insane...
Complain complain and more complain... When can i stop complaining and get on with it. No pain, no gain...
Good Night.